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Zich
16-09-08, 02:05 PM
After hitting off with 'A simple guide to eating chicken rice', I was inspired to start a new one.

Introduction: Why survive? It is just work, what is the bid deal?

Well, I know you love work. We all do and that is why you need to survive. Who would hate a job you have interest in while not taking any responsibilities? I know I would not and I am sure the colleague next to you thinks so too.

Remember this people, just because you're an upright worker doesn't mean everyone is!

While businessmen look into the depths of “Romance of three kingdoms” for strategic advice, I explore the world of fictional and real martial arts from various places. With every rule comes with a move and explanation of how it works.

Who should use this guide?

I highly recommend those who recently started working (army included) to read it.

How to use this guide?

'Rules' - always follow them. After every rule is a technique you should apply in your work. Remember though, how effective it is depends on how good you are in executing them.

Rule No.1:

Anything that is not your business, is not your business.

Name: Bai Yun Zhang (White Cloud Palm)
Description: Diverts all forces directed at you else where. Preferably having someone to absorb the damage.
Effect: Forms a white mist as you strike, thus creating a smoke screen.
Origins: Master of White Cloud Manor

Scenario:

Boss: "Ah Tan ar! I got some task for you ..."
Tan: "Sorry ar Boss, my wife at the hospital I need to go. Ah Lim! Boss wants to see you!"
Lim: "Yes Boss?"

Self-Explanation: You do not have to do everything by yourself. If you carry everything on your shoulder, you are going to breakdown someday. Leave it to someone better for the job, you have something else to do.

Rule No.2

Always solve a complex issue by breaking them up into simpler problems. They will be easier to handle with better efficiency. Or as the elders say, 'take things step by step'.

Name: Qian Kun Da Mo Yi (The Ultimate Shift) a.k.a Off Topic
Description: Big issues resolve to smaller issues. Small issues resolve to nothing. Preferably not your issue at all.
Effect: An ultimate rift in the world's elements to change the way things are.
Origins: No idea.

Scenario:

Boss: "Ah Tan, remember that time I gave you a task ...?"
Tan: "No lah Boss, remember my wife at hospital mah."
Boss: "Oh yeah hor, how is she ar? Getting better?"
Tan: "Yeah, doctor say must rest more."
Boss: "Okay, okay, don't worry so much, talk to you later."

Self-Explanation: Why stress yourself over a difficult task? If you need more time, just get it. Remember, you have all the time in the world. Relax, do not trouble yourself. There is always a way to extend deadlines.

Rule No.3

No matter how big or small a project is, always get more people to assist you. Do not attempt to be a one-man-army because that will never work in this day and age.

Name: Xiang Long Shi Ba Zhang (Holy Dragon's 18 Palms)
Description: Split own damage to other people. Many people sharing one person's burden is easier than one person handling it all.
Effect: Multiple hits on multiple targets. Can be used to transfer damage.
Origins: Some leader of beggar sect.


Scenario:

Boss: "Ah Tan, I got a very simple job for you."
Tan: "Okay, hold on ar, Ah Lim, Ah Yong, Ah Ho, I got a very simple task for you all."

Self-Explanation: More people handling a person's task = more efficiency. Most importantly, you got nothing to do!

Rule No.4

Never never rush a big project. Remember what is rushed is not good. Take all the time you have in the world to produce the best results.

Name: Tai chi chuan (太極拳)
Description: Slow and steady.
Effect: Steady movements ensure user will be the last man standing.
Origins: Zhang Sanfeng

Scenario:

Boss: "Ah Tan, I gave you one year to do the task already. Are you done yet?"
Tan: "Not yet. You cannot rush me. Later I make some big mistake then we all die. Slow and steady. Boss."
Boss: "Alright. Alright. Do it slow and steady."

Self-Explanation: The more time you take, the more time you have to polish your work. Remember, Quality > Quantity. I am sure your Boss thinks so too. 10 lousy projects can never win 1 good project.

Rule No.5

When things take a wrong turn, you do not have to carry all the responsibilities. You must realise it is not your fault that everything is going wrong. Do not take it too hard on yourself.

Name: Wu Du Zhang (Palm of Divine Serpent)
Description: Poison people to save yourself
Effect: Shares damage with your target
Origins: Li Mochou

Example:
Boss: "Ah Tan, what the hell is this? You trying to get us into trouble?"
Tan: "Not me do one. It is ah lim who did it for me. Aiyo now we in deep trouble."
Boss: "Call that ah lim in NOW. ARGH!"

Self-Explanation: I am not the only one involved in this. Why should I take all the blame?

Rule No.6

Get involved. Always dig your nose in something good. If it smells bad, bail. If it is good, stay and rip the rewards.

Name: Xi Xin Da Fah (Big Absorption)
Description: Suck away other people's power
Effect: Absorbs target's energy
Origins: Unknown

Scenario:

Boss: "Ah ha ha ha! Well done Ah Lim! The Big Boss really like your work and our customer is veri happy! Thanks to you we hooked a big business!"
Tan: "Ah, don't forget who was in Ah Lim's team wor."
Boss: "Oh ya hor, you were also helping out in Ah Lim's team. Good job Ah Tan! All of you will get a big bonus from me this year!"

Self-Explanation: When we work, of course we want all the good things and not the bad things. If we can share the rewards, why not? However, people do not come sharing their payoffs, you have to share their rewards with your own initiative.

Credits to Silverbutterfly (SGCafe)
Written by EOS Ling (a.k.a Zich)

annhell
17-09-08, 12:31 PM
woo some of this makes sense...some...easier said than done..but still an enjoyable and damn farnie read (poor ah lim LOL). your parody protagonist ah tan (antagonist?) seems abit like the kind of person everyone loves to hate in an office O_O (aka eat snake king)

btw u forgot to add one important survival tip: DO NOT GET INVOLVED IN OFFICE GOSSIP AND POLITICS and if possible, always stay neutral. this is especially in places with lots of girls :P

Zich
17-09-08, 08:25 PM
woo some of this makes sense...some...easier said than done..but still an enjoyable and damn farnie read (poor ah lim LOL). your parody protagonist ah tan (antagonist?) seems abit like the kind of person everyone loves to hate in an office O_O (aka eat snake king)

btw u forgot to add one important survival tip: DO NOT GET INVOLVED IN OFFICE GOSSIP AND POLITICS and if possible, always stay neutral. this is especially in places with lots of girls :P

Well, for that I do not have any fictional skills in mind. This guide was written for general work purposes ;)

Easier said than done? Everything stated here has been used by people all around! ;)

P.S This guide was written with sarcasm. 'Guide to work survival' actually means guide to how people survive at work ;)

Edit: Oh wait, doesn't the gossip fall into Rule No.6? Get involved, if it smells bad, bail. I don't think gossip smells good now do they?

annhell
18-09-08, 11:48 AM
maybe 5 years isn't a very long time spent working for me, but if some of these were as easily applicable, my work life (and for that matter, many people young and old around me) would be a breeze :(

Rule no 6. doesn't apply to gossip. When there is gossip and petty politics involved, don't even try to stick your nose in. And there can never be anything worth reaping from that pile of bullcrap.

Anyway, I know this is all tongue-in-cheek, so don't mind me :P Peace out.

Zich
18-09-08, 10:57 PM
maybe 5 years isn't a very long time spent working for me, but if some of these were as easily applicable, my work life (and for that matter, many people young and old around me) would be a breeze :(

Rule no 6. doesn't apply to gossip. When there is gossip and petty politics involved, don't even try to stick your nose in. And there can never be anything worth reaping from that pile of bullcrap.

Anyway, I know this is all tongue-in-cheek, so don't mind me :P Peace out.

Ah maybe our definition of 'nosing in' is different ;) When I worked in the office, tea break is the best time for gossips and me being the one who just shy away from 'unofficial news', just listens diligently.

Hey you can't blame me for that; it was open space and they gossiped near me!

Well anyway, when I smell gossip, I know to keep quiet about whatever is being said. I was but a temp staff anyway, not worth to make enemies ^^

Edit: I didn't have 5 years of experience to write this. It only took me 2 years of army to do so. With all sorts of weird people jumbled into one place, all sorts of skills start flying around! :rolleyes: These people are experts; the real deal to pull these stunts off.

Initially I thought it only existed in there but I was wrong. As I picked up a new job I slowly see people using skills like these and hearing stories about past experiences. Thus this guide was written.

I hope you will use these in a morally and correct way; I'm not here to spread a message about how to lose your job XD

Evan
30-09-08, 11:15 PM
A very interesting guide lol

Hi there jit!

zszs
01-10-08, 12:42 PM
Heheheh, I in army now, so I think I`ll get to be able to put it into action soon!

The way I see it, office politicking is everywhere. The only way to stay out of all these gossips and stuff is to be an absolutely un-outstanding, average performing person, and not have much to do with your colleagues outside of office, and not partake in gossiping. And even that will net you some names like.. loner, or something. And I don`t think you`ll be able to go far doing something like that.