manga - let me die

[annhell]

Hi folks. 2 pages of the manga i'm working on. I think i went to hell and back :eek: Please be gentle! (esp the background cos i've been bad at backgrounds :xD: )

The girl in the comic is Yako, my female protagonist. She's a rather shy and very dreamy girl who lives in her own world, and is rather slow :smilieDumb:

ps. if it looks blurry it's because when i uploaded for some reason, my pics were enlarged :eek: sorry about that >_<

It reads from right to left btw. Thanks for viewing~

[Luthiea]

i'm loving it so far! =3

[kraystone]

so far so good! read from right to left, correct?

[canary]

i m liking it too >w< is very nice!!!

by the way, is kanariya here =3 hehehez

[annhell]

thank you guys! i'm glad you like it :D and ya, it's from right to left.

welcome here kanariya!! thanks for coming ^^ oh i jus realised your nickname canary is 'kanari-ya' right. nice wordplay heheh. looking forward to more of your stuff~! even though not many people here yet hahha..

[Takuya]

The flow and panelling is good, so far. :D

Would like to see more... (Curious about the bracelet/necklace. ^^)

[canary]

ahah, both actually same meaning~ kanariya-jap, canary-eng XD;

ditto takuya, i oso curious about the necklace, i oso wanna see more~~

[Mrv]

Looks good so far. :)

If only the same thing happened with winning toto tickets.....XD

[annhell]

takuya: thanks :) that's a relief! i was afraid it would be hard to understand =D

canary: oh i didn't know that! i always thought kanariya means flower-something hehe =P i like canaries too ahah.

mrv: thank u thank u~ what you mean toto ticket? the money will fall from the sky? haha!

[lin]

very pro.

background ah... background looks very good to me le, wish i can achieve that sort of background myself one day. ^^;

love the camera angles too. ^^

[annhell]

thanks lin :smilieBlush: but it's only because i spent a horribly long amount of time doing it...and just this 2 page only :eek:

[annhell]

pages 3 and 4, 70% complete. toning, dialogue and bg is stil incomplete. Would very much appreciate c&C from you peeps, thanks in advance >_<

[canary]

to me, is perfect <3 the overall is very nice ^_^ artwork, plot (by page), flow, etc, just nice!!! really a good job~ want wait to see more, add oil~~ XD;

[lin]

I'm a little obsessed with drawing manga, so i'm quite picky; please bear with me, sorry in advance... >.<

Points to note:
1) Pages 1&2, Yako-chan no glasses. Pages 3&4, Yako-chan has glasses.
2) Page 4 panel 1; mother grabbed Yako-chan's right hand. But next panel shows her holding Yako-chan's left hand.

Good points:
1) Tension is very well conveyed in the mother's expression and action.
2) The dialogue also shows very well her callousness, and how Yako-chan is having a bad day. ^^

lets all "jia you" together! 8D

[annhell]

canary: thanks for the encouragement..*gandong* lets gambatte together~~ u oso post more hehee

lin: nono i don't mind at all..thank you for your crit and your support *sob* appreciate it lots..i will bear them in mind :D always have a problem with differentiating the right and left hands haha..and ya the glasses i only added in later part so previous one didn't change =P yesh we must all jiayou jiayou haha!

[kraystone]

I have a question...why is the quality is so different from page 1&2? It seems to me that 3&4 are rushed out? The line sensitivity and layout are so different :eek:

It also means that page 1&2 are so well-drawn that page 3&4 dulls down in comparison.

I suggest to do an overall draft first before inking so that it will be consistent throughout. I made the mistake of inking first then changing the story, layout and design the other time. Hopefully nobody repeats my mistake... sob*

加油吧!

[BNN]

hoho just a lil nitpick from me

i thought the toning for page 4's last panel is a lil too harsh compared to other pages
might wanna use a finer tone for consistency

manga and comic artists requires great deal of patience and skill to move forward
respect for you! :D

[annhell]

kraystone: aieee you got me there :xD:i also feel that the first two pages were much better :( actually i do have drafts..but i always cant make up my mind how thick i want the inking width to be..especially for closeups :eek: but thanks for your advice! it's just what i need to motivate me more mwahah! i will jiayou de!!

bnn: hohoh kenna spotted :smilieDumb:i think i will add abit more black ink and some tones at pg 3 to balance it off..thanks bnn~

[tolowa]

i tink yako chan looks better w/o her specs..so see if its easier to draw in specs for 1st 2 pages, or erase from the next 2, just consistency sake..
feel that there's some sort of "jump" when reading from pg 2 to 3...might be cos of the difference in toning and stuff..but as kraystone mentioned, something bout e layout also seems a bit off
perhaps cos 1st 2 are all rectangular panels and the other 2 have more angular panelling..
i like the way she bites her lips (i think) in the last panel, it shows her unwillingness/nervousness and reveals a lil more bout her character (altho, from your title. we kinda make her out to be someone pessimistic or suicidal even)

guess we got to wait for more to be revealed in time eh? ganbatte!

[annhell]

tolowa: thanks very much for the feedback! it helped alot :D i was staring at the 4 miserable pages for so long i became numb, so to speak. haha. And btw, the title (Let me Die) is actually a nicholas tse song with the same title. hee. yako is more of a dreamy and slow person, rather than pessimistic. (she's not suicidal at all~)

Hmm..i think it will be better for me to draw more pages before posting. so the reading wont be as choppy and 'no head no tail'.

[annhell]

A sort of introduction page, featuring two of my protagonists Uzuki Yako and Akabane Tora (nicknamed Akatora).

(Tattoo was taken from http://www.geocities.jp/jpntattoo_irezumi4kyo/japanese/img/4kyo-irezumi02.jpg just to test what it looks like. Will be drawing in my own next time.)

The story goes like this:

Yako is a shy, awkward schoolgirl who is secretly proud of her large bust. Akatora is a violent yakuza bodyguard, not-so-secretly in love with his male charge Masae. Yako has a huge crush on Masae, but Akatora always seems to get in the way.

How will Yako, geek extraordinaire and closet libertine, charm the gay yakuza bodyguard (with the aid of her secretly prided assets) in order to get to her precious first crush?

Comments very welcome :smilieDumb:

[lin]

Very interesting and different story! XDD
And Yako's character... oh my, i think this story is going to rock! XDD
Hurry up n draw! XP

[tolowa]

haha quite a straightforward story..quite diff from what i expected..
so Yako is shy, bespectacled, and well-endowed..very typical anime girl hehe...
but..visuals wise..her bust not very big leh..must make big big den can haha

interested to see how this all plays out!

[BNN]

haha quite a straightforward story..quite diff from what i expected..
so Yako is shy, bespectacled, and well-endowed..very typical anime girl hehe...
but..visuals wise..her bust not very big leh..must make big big den can haha

interested to see how this all plays out!

nooooooooooo..........................
enough of big boobs girls!
this is just nice!

[annhell]

lin: aww thanks! u always make me feel so happy ^o^ btw, dunno if you heard of it before, but here's a journal kind of webbie http://smackjeeves.com that's solely dedicated to comics~ u might wanna check it out~ (i have a site too, http://letmedie.smackjeeves.com <33 hurhur)

tolowa: yesh~ i guess u can say that it's straightforward, in the sense it's about true love <3<3<3 :D and ya, typical in shounen anime...not shoujo :P

bnn: i shld have known...big boobs will always cause a commotion :D

[zheng]

reminds me of the j-drama My Boss My Hero... busty school ger and yakuza boss
but ur school ger is just nice lah
dua neh neh will look disguising n hentai liao =p
cg screen tone or real one?

[lin]

schoolgirl wiz yakuza member, yes, do hear of it; but schoolgal wiz gay yakuza bodyguard? Can't wait to see the fun. XD

annhell: Thanks for the links! Is checking it out... ^^

[Mrv]

Looking great so far! I think pretty much have been said already. I just hope it will be safe to view at work. XD

[annhell]

some changes made to pg 3 and 4, hope they look better now >_<

and an additional pg 5 which i decided to scrap in the end

ya, i decided to remove the glasses afterall.

[annhell]

zheng: i watched that too...but the schoolgirl was flatter than thou if i never recall wrongly. BUT my big secret is...... i have a fetish for drawing big boobs T___T nooooo...neway, screentone is cg :P

lin: hope its fun >_< gonna be tough portraying the emotions i think it will be quite complex...duno if my puny mind can handle that ha ha.

mrv: knowing my fetish for big boobs...better view at home to be safe :P HA joking..it's safe at least, for now XD

[lin]

Wa, so many shadows; not easy; you working hard ne. ^^
Will b staring at it for quite a while b4 giving comments; wait a bit hor, paiseh. XP

[lin]

Page 3: The shadows, additional toning and background in panel 1 makes everything look more clear n defined n beautiful. ^^

The shift of the words "hmmm, should we hide at the inner shrine" into the speech bubble is also a very good move; it's clearer and harmonises better when reading, I think. XD

Page 4: The shading here is nice too, but for the last panel, somehow it doesn't look as dramatic as in the previous version.

I think maybe it's cos the background mesh looks less ominious compared to the cloudy pattern used before; and also the shadow tone might be a little too fine. ^^;

Maybe putting the pupils of the eyes helps too(to make it more dramatic), but ya, it might look freaky too, so I'm not sure about this. >.<

Another thing is, also, the speech("what's with all that praying..." etc etc) in the first version for this panel seems to have more impact(though probably less grammatically correct); but dunno... what do you think?

Page 5: Ooo, I like the second panel; that one picture really speaks a thousand words! *bows*

[kraystone]

Wow definately looking better now!

I like the page4-5 transition, it is wonderful and seamless!!!

The minor critique I have is the pg5's last balloon which says "ANYWAY We're Gonna have fun together, yes?" was not very clear. I think you want to treat it like some shoujo manga with white border around the text and balloon with the very "airy" kinda feel? Maybe have to add more to make the text and balloon stand out a bit more.

That's my 2 cents worth, jia you!!!

[annhell]

lin: thank you so much for your input! It always helps when there's good constructive feedback given :D hm the speech ("what's with all the praying blabla) I tried to lessen the impact because that obasan is not really that nasty a person, she's just callous and brash. And I'm so glad you like that panel and I managed to convey the emotions across!

kraystone: yaay glad you likes (you make me so reluctant to scrape pg 5 now..but it's necessary sigh ~_~) ya I get what you mean about the text. Next time I'll definitely keep that in mind. Thanks so much for your kind words and helpful feedback too~!

[Kuro]

hmm..
reminds me of the shoujou manga my friend gave me.. it's called confidential confessions..
u can find it in book stores XD... it's a compilation of a few short stories about teens facing lives.. i.e. prostitution.. bully.. suicides...cute chicks with badass boys... etc etc
hahaha..

[annhell]

sounds quite smutty to me..i likeee..hahaha
will go check it out thanks~

[annhell]

i FINALLY managed to churn out 2 new pages- pg5 and pg6! Apologies for not being able to post in sequence though >_< As always, crits and comments are very welcome. Thanks so much for viewing~

(btw, in pg 6, she is referring to the thought that she had on pg 2 "I've always wondered in this little world of mine..blablabla")

[lin]

Wow, love the expressions and actions! But I've been back n forth across the pages posted and still couldn't find "I've always wondered in this little world of mine... etcetc"... did you make a change to page 2 that was not posted? ._.